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A Tinder Business Lesson & A Free £750 Coaching Session With Me!

This scary online stat actually shows rejection is your biggest risk.

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I’ve come across, what I thought to be, a surprising statistic from a study recently.

Nearly half of men aged 18-25 had never approached a woman in person for a date! 

As someone who is 43 going on 22, this statistic was quite staggering to me. But it doesn’t just shed light on how people are getting their dates, there are some lessons for business here too. And the lessons apply to the girls as well as the boys, so stick with me whoever you are……. 

It’s no secret the dating game has changed. Being on the pull today often means scrolling through an infinite number of Tinder profiles from the comfort of your home, hoping that someone will see your best pictures and return the swipe. 

As an old romantic I do find that it takes the fun out of things! No chat, eye contact, body language, or my killer charm! But you can’t knock the increased amount of options in the palm of your hand. . 

It’s true that Gen-Z have doom scrolled their way through the world, consuming endless content on platforms designed to keep us addicted and distracted, but the internet isn’t the full story. 

But what the study showed is that the digitisation of dating wasn’t the main cause of lack of physical interaction. The main reason that the vast majority of subjects didn’t approach women was because they feared rejection. 

Why does this spell disaster?

The issue isn’t that men aren’t pulling enough. The real problem is much worse – it’s a massive crisis of confidence.

Whether you’re a businessperson, artist, or stay-at-home parent, your confidence is the very foundation of who you are, and how you feel about yourself has a huge bearing on what you become. It's the basic law of attraction. 

When you have no confidence, the law of attraction works against you. If you feel unworthy, you will unintentionally repel opportunities because negative thoughts and doubts dominate. 

The good news is that the opposite is just as true: if you feel you can do anything, you will attract more opportunities simply because you’re up for the task – even if you have a lot still to learn. 

And confidence is like a muscle. The more you use it and stretch it, the more it grows. So just like building your biceps or your bootie, starting from almost zero and getting just 1% better every day compounds into life changing results. 

Why bother trying if I know the answer will probably be no? 

First of all, always focus on what you have to gain, not to lose. 

Not trying is automatic failure – it guarantees you a 0% chance of success.

Just the simple act of trying puts you in the game. 

If you don’t ask for a raise, it won’t be offered, and if you don’t ask for the freshest milk at the shop, you’ll be given yesterday’s batch.

It’s a hard pill to swallow, but in business, rejection is a major part of the game, so the quicker you get used to it the better. Sometimes you will lose more than you win. Clients will say no, deals will fall through, staff will fall short. The ones who succeed keep going nonetheless. 

Stephen King’s legendary book Carrie was rejected 30 times before it found the right publisher, and Walt Disney was famously sacked from a newspaper for “lacking imagination” before founding Disney. 

In the study, 60% of the men regret not approaching the woman – and that is the real killer.

So what can you do about it? 

Embarrassment and rejection last for a few minutes, but regret lasts for a lifetime.

And that is the key thing you need to understand. When you ask a girl or a guy out and they reject you, it's over in seconds. It is only in your head that they are laughing at you and telling all their friends about you. The reality is they have probably already forgotten the interaction as you are walking away.

It means nothing. And when you understand that you can let it run off you like water off a duck's back. Brush yourself down and on to the next.

And that is the next key. Make sure there is a next. More girls to ask out. More opportunities to take a stab at.

The more times you try and fail the bigger your resilience muscle gets. But the more times you try, then ultimately the more likely you are to succeed.

This is the same in everything. Cold calls. Interviews for jobs. Trying a new sport for the first time.

When inventing the lightbulb, Thomas Edison famously said:

He honed his craft, and then he hit the jackpot. He changed the world. And no one even remembers 1 of his failed attempts, never mind 10,000 of them!!

Recognise where the fear of rejection comes from and beat it.

Many of the things we feel, say, and believe, come from genes we inherited from our ape ancestors. In this sense, paranoia and fear of rejection are normal human instincts – it’s our brain trying to protect us from dangerous or threatening situations. 

It helps to think of self-doubt as an annoying little monkey that sits on your shoulder rent-free, telling you to avoid any situation that makes you uncomfortable. 

If you want an untroubled, average life with average relationships, you will do well to listen to the monkey.

But if you want something more: a thriving business, exceptional relationships, and an all-round fulfilling life, you have to beat the monkey brain into submission!

Final thoughts… 

While the dating game and world in general, look to have changed drastically, the reality is the fundamentals haven’t. 

Tinder is just providing digital the same things that traditional dating does – connection, intimacy, attraction, mating opportunities.

Deliveroo is just providing a slicker way of delivering food to your doorstep. The fact people want a pizza or a curry in the comfort of their own home hasn’t changed.

Uber is just a faster way of giving us access to vehicles that get us from A to B. People’s fundamental transport needs haven't changed.

While the surface changes, the underbelly is always the same: we all want security, comfort, money, good food, happiness, love – whatever it may be. 

So if you are struggling for a potential business idea just remember you don’t need to reinvent the wheel. But maybe there is a way to make it turn faster.

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Join me this week as I delve into the life of Daniel O’Reilly, a.k.a. Dapper Laughs.
From facing public fallout and the media’s “pro rape” scandal to navigating being CANCELLED, we uncover highs, lows, and the support systems that kept him going. Ready to explore fatherhood’s impact and the balance of comedy and public sensitivity as Dappa sets the record straight??

Catch up now, listen here or watch below!